Up Close and Personal with Ben Gates

Today we have with us a very important guess star. Benjamin Gates visited us straight from National Treasure.

Sam: Can you tell me what a day in your life is like?

Benjamin Gates: I'm the family kook. I have a job, a house, health insurance....

Sam: What was the most exciting thing you've ever done?

BG: We found an engraving on the stem of a two hundred year old pipe. Owned by the Free Masons.

Sam: What was the most dangerous thing you've ever done?

BG: Is there a door that doesn't lead to prison?

Sam: Do you spend much of your time in prison?

BG: Someone's got to go to prison.

Sam: True. What is your favorite passtime?

BG: Prison.

Sam: Why?

BG: Cause it's prison.

Sam: Thank you for talking with me today, Ben. It was a very...errr....educational experience.

BG: Listen, this is a waste of time.

Interview With a Pirate

Today we have a very special guest! We'll be interviewing Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean!

Jack: You look familiar, have I threatened you before?

Popcorn: Um... I don't think so. First question, Why are you so interested in the Black Pearl?

Jack: Stop blowing holes in my ship!

P: What was it like to fight ghost pirates?

Jack: . . . and then they made me their chief.

P: What brought you to Port Royal on the day of Norrington's promotion?

Jack: Funny ol' world, innit?

P: Yes it is. What was the funniest thing you've ever done?

Jack: A wedding. I love weddings! Drinks all around!

P: What are your thoughts on the upcoming Swan-Turner wedding?

Jack: Elizabeth . . . it never would have worked between us, darling. Will . . . nice hat.

P: What about you? Is there a special someone in your life?

Jack: Why is the rum always gone?

P: That reminds me, many people say you have a drinking problem. What would you like to say to them?

Jack: My eyesight's as good ever, just so you know.

P: Wha-

Jack: I want my jar of dirt.